Beyond · the · Asphalt · Barrier

In record time I was courted and won.

Not by a pretty face.

Not by wealth.

Not by any displays meant to impress or beguile.

But by authenticity.

And pure, simple truth.

-Ouzel-

Had fun at a friend's fiancee's birthday party, where many new contacts were made.

Had fun at martial arts training, even if I had to run to the washroom and sit out for the majority of the lesson because I had forgotten just how badly my skin reacts to grass.

Had fun on a long, long walk. Especially when it sprinkled.

Had even more fun when I discovered that there is frozen turkey I forgot I even had in the
big freezer in the garage. So, as I type meatballs and meatball soup are cooking.

And now I get to go to sleep to the sound of big, fat raindrops! EPIC WIN!!!!

-Ouzel-

So, I went to Slave Labor Graphics's Zombie Crawl in downtown San Jose last night. It was EPIC!!!

Had so much fun, even if I could not find a single person I was looking for.

Wore this slash-and-pouf black velvet dresscoat I'd been working on the past few weeks; a skeleton-embroidered panel skirt over black dress jeans; and 1.5' pointed-brimmed black PVC, velvet, and satin ribbon hennin (what most folks call witch hats) with about 13 of my long-stemmed condom roses decorating the crown. I also did a particularly hideous bit of makeup (irridescent lime green, grey, and violet bloated corpse with dirt brown highlights and lots of bloody smearing over my face, neck, and bosoms).

It was marvelous to see persons from out of the area I have neither seen for years nor expected would drive so far to attend. Bonus! And being among fellow costume enthusiasts is always a treat. So much to learn and see!

Curiously, I hadn't been hit on so much since I was about 40lbs underweight wearing a skin-tight stretch-velvet sheath dress at Weird Stuff Warehouse at age 19. I felt sorry for all the earnest zombies (and non-zombies), due to the whole 'very much off the market' thing. Also, disturbed that the putrefying corpse look appears to make me date bait.

Fun times, despite that. =^D

-Ouzel-

My single credit card, the one I keep in the back of the hardest-to-access drawer, was totally maxed out for bereavement expenses.

After rent, bank account has a whopping $12.31 left from monthly paycheck.

And Social Services decided to cut my food stamps down to $6- for the ENTIRE month.

(Scream!)

So, looks like I'm going to be posting a lot of stuff up for auctions.

(Shrug). Well, I *do* need to declutter anyhow...

-Ouzel-

I had the pleasure of running into a dear sister-friend, as a result of deciding "No,
I do not want to go to the free outdoor movie" when work let out to opt instead for running errands via the 25 and 60 routes.

She was quite henna'd from her brother's wedding, and bareheaded for the first time (that I have seen) in public. It surprised me so much that I almost did not think it was her.

We talked about how at times it can be such a relief to blend into the crowd rather than have people make quick judgments based on appearances.

Neither of us have been able to reach certain persons we used to hang out with when we all attended the same college together, though all of us are, once again, all back in the South Bay.

She will be moving to Fremont in two weeks. She has been going through so many moves, major changes, betrayals, and hardships - yet retains such radiant warmth and hope.

It is an honor to have so many incredibly strong women as friends and family. =^D

-Ouzel-

Have discovered that when someone with a voice like Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy baby-talks to squirrels outside of our front door it affects me much the same as nails on a chalkboard.

While simultaneously striking me as being oddly amusing.

-Ouzel-

The more time passes the less there is to say.

The more time passes the more I see.

Each day there is a touch of wonder, and the earth completes another revolution.

And the stars silently burn in their slow, slow dance.

Our Talented Slumlord has just texted me to ask if the drain for the kitchen is fixed yet. Yeah, I can tell from school whether or not the sink is fixed. Funny, I thought that's what the landlord was doing today - fixing the drain for the kitchen sink and dishwasher.

The sink overflowed so much this weekend that everything from the sink and under-sink cupboards had to be removed. There were a lot of dishes and utensils stored in the flooded cabinets which are towel-dried and awaiting cleaning on the kitchen floor. The drain is clogged far down enough prevent the use of the sink or dishwasher.

The bathroom is working, yes, but it's all torn up due to remodeling that was SUPPOSED to last one day. Bleaching every single bathroom surface and then washing the dishes in the shower really is not an option BECAUSE SO MANY OF THE SURFACES CAN'T BE BLEACHED! Exposed drywall and dust and weird 1950's insulation falling down from the ceiling! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

This too shall pass.

Hell, it beats that damned rotating church shelter and sleeping on the sidewalk in a bad part of SF.

-Ouzel-

Scarcity deepens.

Haven't a clue what's going to happen, re: groceries.

Might have to resort to dish-washing detergent for showers.

If I want to go to the beach, I'll have to walk from Palo Alto or San Jose.

But I can pay rent.

And I can shower.

And I am very, very grateful for the opportunity to study.

And I am very, very grateful to have what I have.

And I am REALLY REALLY grateful to have the mess straightened
out re: those medical bills.

Just... Frustrated.

And praying for dawn.

I will go to Humboldt State University, and have food, and
complete my Masters in Education, and do the work I was born to do.

Hell, I got this far somehow...

-Ouzel-

Save for the migraines, problems with Valley Med sending me bills for thousands of dollars that I'm NOT supposed to be being charged for, NOT having my ADD medication (problems with the Valley Hospital pharmacy again), and being quite hungry -- life is good. Looking forward to voting next week. Looking forward to catching up with school.

November 15th I get paid and am having pizza. Been craving pizza for weeks and damn it, I'm going to get some pizza. Some dark chocolate, too.

-Ouzel-

At 3pm I leave work to get the broken molar extracted. This is a GOOD thing.

After I get said tooth extracted, I can go home and sleep.

Nugget, the housemate's TV addicted budgie, has a new friend named Freebird.
They are happy. Just not especially clever as budgies go. Very much prefer
having non-human, benign creatures in the household to not having them.

-Ouzel-

The sense of gratitude within for all of the wonderful things the universe has graced upon my humble life permeates each and every atom of my being.

Teeth hurt on a daily basis, and the insomnia continues to be the root of numerous health problems. I am grateful for the pain, and the happiness in other areas of my life.

(If thoroughly aware that there's a deep seated need for music, dancing, and laughter in order to continue the long process of recovery).

Recent world events, in particular, the worldwide food shortages, are the source of much grief and prayers. The memory of starving is fresh in body and mind is sharp despite the passage of time.

It just serves as a reminder to work hard so that there WILL be a time I can do something about it.

-Ouzel-

Kocianko's cancers were worse than I had been informed of, she was on a great deal of morphine when I saw her Saturday. She did not want me to leave, nor did I want to leave her.

I am grateful for num3472's treating me to a hearty birthday lunch that day before heading up to SF/Berkeley solo. I am grateful to have had the chance to see Kocianko one last time. I am grateful to the_warrior_king for meeting me up in SF afterwards, and that galleries featuring the works of Salvidor Dali and Theodore Suess Giesel were open...

And now, my left shoulder is pulled and smarting.

Really need to make it a priority to go to the ocean and do a cleansing meditation.

-Ouzel-

Yesterday I woke up @ 4am sharp to get up to join other students in a rally to oppose California State Budget cuts to education in Sacramento. I am proud to have been one of the thousands in attendance.

Students were in attendance from as far south as Los Angeles.

We were some of the least self-promoting, but likely the most creative sign-makers of all of the schools. And the only campus with multiple persons among us using mobility devices to join the march.

Our students met with one of the legislative reps, attempted to meet with others -- leaving names and a list of concerns with their administrative assistants. Have decided that the Capital building is a highly surreal place.

Quite a few of the interns wore very nice clothes of the sort I would not have been able to afford even when in middle management. (Tailored wool envy).

Arrived home completely exhausted -- yet ecstatic, because it turns out that the cable the guys get has a Classical Music Channel which had some delightful stuff playing I never would have heard on that boring commercial-run place out of SF.

-Ouzel-